Top 10 Posts ☆ 2015

Here's a round-up of some of my favourite blog posts of 2015. This has been my first full calendar year of everyday blogging, so I have 367 blog posts to choose from (not including this one, of course - the final post of the year). As a result, these are not definitive favourites, but just a selection of posts that I am particularly happy with for one reason or another. I hope you enjoy a little bit of reminiscing on the year and I am excited for all the posts to come in 2016.


1. 30 Fun & Creative Blog Post Ideas

I made quite a few list posts this year, and I like this one a lot because I can go back and read it and get some inspiration and motivation from old ideas. I think the best possible way to get ideas is to, uh, write down and remember ideas. It carries on and on until you are swimming in ideas and you have to construct a float of ideas to navigate to the ladder of ideas so you can leave the pool of ideas and shake off all the idea droplets. Or something.


2. Sneaky Ways To Become A Famous Blogger

These are some 100% true and brilliant tips for getting online fame (you have to hold it very tight). As you can see, I have followed all of my own advice and I hang out with Kylie Jenner every day. We eat Kit Kats and play steel drums together. I am better than her at the steel drum, but she will never admit it.


3. Collaging Experimentation: 1000 Worlds

This is a nice collage post which I'm fond of because it was a very cathartic and good time and I love the destruction of magazines a lot. It was nice to dedicate a journal specifically to collage, and this is a reminder to myself to dedicate some time and space to this kind of collage every so often.


4. Lilllllllllly

This is a post about my name. I liked writing this a lot and examining closely an aspect of myself which I hadn't really given a lot of conscious thought to before. It turns out that I have a lot of subconscious feelings about my name.


5. My Feelings Expressed Via Glitter Text (The Truest Art)

This post discusses my journal, and explores the endless beauty of glitter text. That's really all you need to know. Never neglect glitter text.



This year has been full of creative stuff and fun and delicious soup, and I hope 2016 will be too. You can also check out my favourite posts of 2014 here if you want.

Happy New Year!

Diary: Christmas Mist & Friendly Geese


So, Christmas happened. Christmas definitely happened. I have more than one Minions colouring book to prove it (I am going to colour in so many minions). Prior to the actual Christmas, I watched Divergent - the film version of a book I am strongly attached to by a thick web of disgusting emotions. I think it was a pretty good adaptation, but Four looks like a muscly version of my high school science teacher, which is definitely not how I imagined him (for the record, I imagined him as a sort of cool teen Snape, but in the alternate Harry Potter universe where Snape isn't the worst and most greasy gremlin man ever born). Also, I really like Shailene Woodley. She's good.


For Christmas I got a lot of art supplies (including the aforementioned Minions colouring books) as well as Animal Crossing: Happy Home Designer and some other cool stuff like a little cuddly pineapple. I mean, who doesn't need a little cuddly pineapple? I'm already emotionally attached to the pineapple.


Following the Christmas time and the ensuing Christmas sleepiness, I went to see 'yellowbluepink' at Wellcome Collection and watched my boyfriend tenderly patting a goose's head at the local park. I'm glad I got to go to the exhibition because it was really fun wandering around in a room of colourful mist. As for the goose thing, I really can't comment on such a beautiful moment. Elliot is a goose dad now.

It's Okay To Have Regrets

'No regrets' and other anti-regret mantras are everywhere. Every so often I read something along the lines of 'don't regret anything, because at one point it was what you wanted' and I get the sentiment, that the past is unchangeable so you should let it go, that mistakes build you and shouldn't be kept alive in some kind of shame cage at the forefront of your mind. I get it, but it bothers me too.

Me as a young child, getting ready to start regretting stuff (like trying to eat my dad's tie, possibly).

First of all there's the fact that regrets aren't always about things you wanted. Sometimes they are just things that happened, or the internalised guilt you feel from not preventing something someone else did to you. This goes hand in hand with popular rhetoric around the concept of forgiveness - ideas and mantras about how you should forgive everything because holding a grudge only hurts you. Again, I see some sense in this, but I feel that deciding not to forgive can be just as empowering in the right circumstances. Refusing to forgive doesn't have to mean you are clutching the event to your chest and thinking about it every twelve seconds.

Me regretting my life decisions at a young age.

Similarly, regretting something doesn't mean it has to haunt you and eat away at your psyche until it's only 9:12am and you're already a gibbering wreck because you broke your mum's favourite Michael Bublé mug ten years ago and the regret is too much to bear. Besides which, it's okay to remember things you regret and feel hurt. You are under no obligation to move on and become a squeaky, happy bouncy ball with no feelings or memories. I think it's important to try to deal with and cope with your regrets as best you can, but it's completely normal and human to have regrets. You might even find it is more helpful to deal with, accept, and keep a regret than to purge it. Or maybe those two options are just two different ways of describing the same thing.

I will never regret wearing these cool trousers though.

Sometimes storing a regret is the only thing that feels right. Sometimes forgiveness doesn't feel like an option. Both of those things are okay, and you do not need to be on a journey to forgiveness unless you decide to be.

Hands & Hair

I love to grow a golden vortex on my own head. I also love to hold stuff (cats, cardigan bundles, candles). Here is a celebration of my hair and hands for those reasons.


When I was little I had a natural peroxide yellow look, but it gradually darkened to a dark blonde (these scans don't quite accurately capture the colour). My hair matured. It grew up, got into emo bands, and adopted a cynical attitude to life based on all the split ends.


Nowadays I mostly enjoy wrapping it around sailors that I lure to my rock in the middle of the ocean. I force them to play Scrabble with me until they die of exhaustion or I throw them into the sea for getting more points than me.


As for my hands, I mostly use those to grip cacti and collect papercuts.


Actually, hands are a long-standing favourite body part of mine. This is largely based on the fact that they can do all the things, but also they are sort of weirdly artistic looking and I think it's easy to look at your hands and imagine you are an alien like all those stereotypical bony-fingered aliens in the movies (#NotAllAliens).


I have many more things to say about hands and hair, but for those you will have to await my extensive series of pamphlets on the subject (or my inevitable interview with Jeremy Paxman where we just stare at our hands for four minutes and then I curl his hair with a very tiny curling wand).

Various Things I Am Thinking About

Here are some pictures of me in my bedroom. As you can clearly see by my expressions, I am having many in-depth thoughts about everything very important, like stripy socks/unexpected itches/memories of joining new websites that are now five hundred years old. All of these topics are, of course, the subject of their own journals and academic fields, but I just like to casually muse on them whilst smoking a bubble pipe (that's a lie, because I don't own a bubble pipe, but I should).


Website History

As always I've been thinking about writing online, and all the websites I have been a part of over the years. I remember lots of good times on Habbo Hotel, Bebo, Myspace, Livejournal, Quizilla, etc. I find this topic so fascinating because you get these moments like when you go to the shopping centre in town and you haven't been there for ages and all the shop fronts are different and you have a mini quarter-life crisis outside Greggs as you sob into a doughnut thinking about that weird shop that used to sell wooden giraffe figures that you never thought you'd miss. The landscape changes so much and you find yourself nostalgic about the digital aesthetics of 2006. I am happy that time travel and do-overs don't exist, but I think it would be pretty nice to re-do 2006.


Hair Scrutiny

Another topic is my perception of my hair. If I have any criticism for it these days, it's that it seems naturally flat and lank compared to other people's, but I realised the other day that ten years ago I pretty much thought the opposite. Back then pretty much all the other girls at my school straightened their hair everyday to achieve that hanging spaghetti look, and whilst my hair was essentially straight, it had some kinks and waves. That was enough for me to think my hair was officially The Worst Hair™. I tried straightening it, but it never held for more than five minutes. I was doomed. My mistake (then and now) has been not just comparison, but comparison of my natural hair to hair that has been forced into place by a really hot thing. What a fool I have been.


Moving Day Every Day

The final topic I will pluck from the big pic 'n' mix bag of topics is organisation. Yes, that's right, I love slightly altering the positions of things to make them look neater. It is an unmatched and unique thrill. I love to move things. I also enjoy looking at things and imagining how I can arrange them. It's a very exciting and passionate life I lead. I can feel your jealousy radiating through the wi-fi.

Who Will Buy My Sweet Digital Content?: Money, Commercialism, & Entitlement On YouTube.


YouTube's economy and community mimic many aspects of life, not least school. On YouTube, I may not be in the 'weird angsty grungers with thumb holes in their jumpers and a strong affinity for Fall Out Boy' group like I was at high school, but there are similarities. Probably on account of me maturing very slightly, but still retaining the keen interest in Jaffa Cakes that I've always had, I occupy something of a YouTube clique that I wall call the arty/silly/quirky place. With me are a mix of people who like to make fun of YouTube conventions (see jonbehere's '5 VLOGGING MISTAKES YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU'RE DOING'), people who have perfected an all-encompassing silliness (see Margot Vandersmissen's 'Clumsy Crafts: Making Roadmap Bunting'), and people who are all about spreading those twinkly, arty, creative vibes (see SoSonia's 'Escape' video for SoulPancake). There's variation, but for the purposes of this post I am categorising us for analysis (or because I'm an annoying internet philosopher who must meaninglessly foster discussions on every little thing at all costs - that's my Blogging Brand™).

We are in a place of familiarity with YouTube. There are Alfie Deyes references and Dan & Phil stickers to be found everywhere. We love to joke about the inevitable collaboration between Joe Sugg and Children of Bodom. It is a fun time here. And we are smart and have some (some!) editing skills (I can make captions wiggle, for example). We can see echoes of our style in YouTubers in the tens of thousands of subscribers. I see lots of the stylings of me and my YouTube friends and acquaintances in the videos of Rosianna Halse Rojas, Lex Croucher, Lucy Moon, and Daniel J. Layton. PJ Liguori's pure, magical weird is a huge reflection of us too - especially on his second channel, PJTheKick. There are styles that seem to extend the whole way up the numbers ladder. I would posit Dodie Clark as the queen of my 'YouTube house'. Imagine if there were YouTube houses though? Just put me down as the equivalent of Ravenclaw. Magpie... beak (please don't sue me)?

Gaby Dunn recently published a piece exposing the income struggles of apparently successful YouTubers. As a person with an educational background in art and an adolescence glued to the emergence of social media (I am desperate to post a MySpace bulletin and make a Livejournal secret right now), I'm all too familiar with the endless free creative and personal content present online (anyone wanna PayPal me a quid for this blog post?), and the normalisation and expectation of that content being there for free. I love the possibility blogs and social media provide for digital content publishing, but sadly people have come to feel entitled to that content and to disassociate it from the real person who creates it.

We can gain celebrity status through our creations, but without a chain of support we struggle to be successes in a true personal and financial sense. People are talking a lot about social media's propensity for being 'fake'. My circles are filled with people who make very genuine, honest content, but I think often the veneer is not the personal lifestyle of a YouTuber so much as the apparent success. The status might be there, but the money isn't. Subscribers aren't coins. Not until I finally perfect my human to coin conversion device, at least.

I notice a lot of people complaining about the sanitisation of some YouTubers, and the lack of ease in finding YouTubers with smaller subscriber counts. There's plenty of 'it's not how it used to be' and whilst I agree that YouTube has grown into this big thing with strong, muscly arms (there's probably already fan-art of this), that doesn't mean the little guys making cutesy stop motion videos about how much they love spaghetti aren't around. They are. There are more people starting YouTube now than ever. The small creators are out there, waiting, lurking in the dark corners of the castle. YouTube unfortunately does make it hard to find smaller creators, and this would be one of my biggest criticisms of the platform. I also agree that commercialisation goes too far sometimes with big names, but at the same time I think the disgruntled sentiments towards some YouTubers is unfair. Sponsorship can be awkward, but YouTubers, and anyone creating something that people want, deserve to be compensated.

I think it's great that the internet gives us the opportunity to create and share things for free, and to connect with other people, but for digital content creators and creatives of all kinds, that can be taken advantage of. Charging for your services or creations is not tyranny, and putting a price on something you have worked on is not forcing someone to pay for something as long as they have the free choice to not buy the thing.

Personally, I'm open to sponsorships and collaborations I deem reasonably tasteful and appropriate, and I'm working on some ideas for digital and physical items I can sell alongside my free online content. I'll also sell my eyelashes for £10,000 each if you're interested. Check my info page if you want to commission me to make a hideous sculpture of Niall Horan made of Ferrero Rocher.

Related: Check out my small(ish) YouTuber recommendations, and a follow up post of recommended channels and blogs. Here's a video I made about appearances and movement, and here's a song I wrote for Dodie.

5 Goals For 2016

I guess there are some things I'd like to do sometime soon and it's quite seasonally appropriate to write a list of goals, what with the year end coming up, so here are some thoughts.

 

1. Try different ways of selling art. 

I had a pretty good time at a zine fair in November, so I'd like to try selling zines and things at some craft fairs and events, possibly. I also want to try a few different ways of selling stuff online, like selling whole journals on eBay and periodically putting new zine packages up for sale on Tumblr. I recently organised my Tumblr buy page and it feels good. Please commission me to paint dogs.


2. See more art shows.

Going on trips elsewhere always me want to do more things closer to home, and since there are lots of art events all the time, which I always enjoy, I would like to see more of them and go on some nice London outings. I have my eye on yellowbluepink at the moment.

3. Try different forms of digital creation.

I really want to make some fun, lengthier zines, and making digital zines I can do a lot of different things that I would usually do on paper. I would also like to try selling these and treating them kinda like magazines, in that I make a series of issues. I did want to try writing an ebook but I'm not too keen on the formatting and logistic issues involved - that and I don't know if all that many people are into ebooks and especially silly arty ebooks. Then there's the logistics of inserting drawings. I'm experimenting with a zine project using Google Drive's slides at the moment.

4. Use perfume more often.

I have a beautiful big bottle of YSL Opium that I've had for years. I love the scent, but for some reason I never remember to actually wear it, so I'd like to make wearing perfume a habit. I'm a smell fan - a fan of smells.


5. Keep up my current TV show consumption.

For ages I wasn't really watching anything and couldn't really get into any TV, but I seem to have fallen into a routine suddenly of trying out shows and really enjoying watching them. I'd really like that to continue, because it's so nice to follow a series along and be excited to discover what happens.

12 Good Ways To Secretly Cry

Sometimes you need to let your face leak until you feel better, but sometimes you also need to hide your disturbing moisture from other people-shaped things who fear salty liquids, so here are some useful tips for disguising your tears.

  1. Hold a teddy bear in front of your face at least twenty three out of twenty four hours a day. It will absorb your tears and hold them lovingly.
  2. Use a wine glass to mask your biggest tears at dinner.
  3. Stand in the rain. This is a classic tactic for a reason.
  4. Pretend your tears are artistic gemstones that also move for some reason (attribute this to an emerging technology no-one understands). This works well if it is fashion week (isn't it always fashion week, at least in our hearts?).
  5. Have a very cute puppy beside you at all times and blame the puppy for your emotional response. Everyone will understand.
  6. Tell everyone crying is your performance art. Win the Turner Prize to really convince them.
  7. There must be onions nearby. Your eyes can sense them within a 2 mile radius.
  8. Blame it on a mascara wand that leapt viciously into your eye.
  9. Tell everyone that when you have water retention your eyes compensate by getting rid of as much fluid as they can.
  10. Say you must be allergic to something nearby.
  11. Say you have been overdoing it on eye exercises.
  12. Position yourself under an impressive waterfall and stay there. It is your home now.

Diary: Wind & Superpowers


I've been going for some good walks lately. A solid achievement. Honestly, I love walks a lot because they are so calming and stimulating and nice, but I often have to convince myself to go for one, because I'm distracted by other stuff or know there's something I need to do. Making time for walks is really important though, so I'm going to make sure I do. It's also a good opportunity to have a proper listen to an album, and sometimes I get to meet a local cat.


It's been really windy, so that has deterred me somewhat from going outside for too long because I'm scared I'll be blown into the sky and I'll never come back down. That's just not the trajectory I want for my life. I want to stay on the ground and not have excessive natural forces exerting upon my body. Hopefully for Christmas I will have the power of total resistance to wind bestowed upon me. That was at the top of my list.


I was also hoping for some powers that would let me see the future. I know everyone is very sensitive about spoilers now, but I kinda want to be spoiled on the details of my own life. I mean, not really, but also yes. Just let me know how many times Arnold Schwarzenegger and I star in a film together. I need to know that's going to happen.

Dreaming

I have this feeling like I'm on a partition somewhere. I'm a little ghost between real life and dreams. A feeling I get a lot. Or a variation of a feeling I get a lot. A sort of weird kind of consciousness like my mind is split in two and living in different countries. Something like The Parent Trap but with two halves of my brain (which, of course, are both played by Lindsay Lohan). It's this particular kind of conscious muddiness. A pinch of 'overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of my surroundings and existence' in a big bowl of 'I want a piece of bubblegum and a huge teddy bear and to run in circles until I'm sick'. Or something like that.


I dunno, man, it's like I'm very here, but I'm also not here. I'm drifting off in some place that isn't real at the same time. Like I'm ten cloned ghosts. It's interesting. I will keep coming back to ghost metaphors because it feels ghostly somehow. Hazy. Dreamy. When I do actually dream, I have a lot of very vivid dreams. Just recently I had a dream about someone trying to kill me with a knife. Trying to get close to me, looking in through the windows. And in the same dream, Dan Howell tweeted me and I made a pun that made no sense (he loved it).


I can remember all these feelings and motions and discoveries from that one dream, under a blanket of familiar washed-out haze, and so much of that configuration of sense seems to bleed out into my waking life. There is always this wobbly, wiggly line of clarity of consciousness curving up and down. I feel like everything is a dream.


I kinda wanna be dreaming all the time. I mean, sometimes clarity of the senses is great. That way you get to really examine things and notice things. It's really nice in a natural setting or when you're up early. I think the dreamy feeling, or variations of dreamy feelings, are very comforting and pleasant. I suppose what's nice is the ebb and flow of clarity and consciousness. After all, some of the most enjoyable moments of living are those special little places between wakefulness and sleep. Those times when I lie in bed and let my unfurling imaginings lull me to sleep. Kid me would scoff, but those are pretty great.

Hunger

I am so hungry and greedy and desperate and passionate and excited and frustrated. I think about all the stuff I can do, all the creative stuff I can explore, all the little adventures I could have every day, any day, and I wanna do everything and stretch myself across the world like a big blanket.


There will always be things I haven't done though and that's fine, but I wanna do lots of things and have fun and do my best and never get caught up in agonising over things I want to do or feel like I should do. Because doing a lot of cool things is one thing, and it's a great thing to strive for, but living is more important and should be the utmost priority. The ultimate priority. And by living I mean having an enjoyable and satisfying time whilst alive, regardless of accomplishments. Because you can go on a lot of holidays and spend them racing around trying to see everything, and then get back home and need a post-holiday holiday because you exhausted trying to do what you think you 'should' do. A holiday is supposed to be all about enjoyment and doing whatever you want, but sometimes we manage to ruin designated carefree fun time by telling ourselves we have to do it this particular way. We are very silly when we do that.

My main point here is that I should be given an award for my amazing achievements such as eating a really good cheese sandwich that one time. That was good. Please give me a gold-plated trophy shaped like a sandwich for my all of my good work with sandwiches.

Really though, let's try to enjoy our lives. That's an important goal  The most important goal.

3 Favourite Korean Pop Singers

I don't like to choose favourites in music too much because there's so many things to love that it means sometimes picking favourites feels limiting, but I thought it would be nice to show some appreciation for a few of my favourite kpop group members, so I chose three of them to focus on.

Screenshot from SHINee's 'Hello' music video.

1. Onew of SHINee


I love SHINee a lot, but what I like about Onew in particular is his super smiley, happy persona and expressions. The cute-o-meter is hitting maximum. I also want to mention that I love the cute baseball style he wears in this performance of View.

Screenshot from 2NE1's 'It Hurts' music video.

2. CL of 2NE1


Every member of 2NE1 is my favourite, and I think they're such a well matched group of unique personalities and strengths, but I love CL for her tough girl attitude and her perfect sneers. It's interesting seeing the attention she's getting internationally at the moment through collaborations and her solo output. So whilst I like very sweet and cutesy boys I guess I like mischievous bad girls riding motorcycles.

Screenshot from f(x)'s 'Chu' music video.

3. Amber of f(x)


Amber is very special to me because she has that perfect 'boyish' look. It's really great to see someone with her style in a girl group like f(x). She's also one of my favourites in terms of rapping style because her rapped verses fit so well into songs and her voice has that nice earthiness to it that make them feel kinda dense.

***

I hope they all start a supergroup together some day. With Mr Blobby.

Ponytail


My ponytail is getting longer and swishier and I feel like it could become sentient and develop drastically different music tastes to me. It would probably be a good prime ministerial candidate. I suppose logically winter is the season when I should be wearing my hair down and using it as extra insulation, but I think with the extra layers I have to wear I probably tie my hair up more in winter because otherwise I feel a bit smothered. That and I don't want to get it caught in various little areas of my coat a thousand times. Nice try, hair, but you are staying in hair band prison today!



Uneditable


Here's an angsty diary entry I typed into a draft a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling a bit confused and overwhelmed.

Dear Diary,
I am sleepy. Every noise sounds like a yawn, inviting me - no, compelling me, to also yawn. And then sleep. Forever. Yep, thanks. It disturbs me that our actions are permanent. Everything I do will be a part of me forever. Every experience and decision and memory will shape my life. Memories endlessly triggered by everyday objects and events repeated ad nauseum by family and friends, because everyone I know knows me, knows parts of me and versions of me from different times. And because people and things and places hold those parts of me inside them, it reminds me, makes me realise that everything has a deep permanence. Any seemingly innocuous thing can be immortalised. The world and collective consciousness, it's all holistic. My existence in every part and piece of a moment is part of everything I have touched. There is no way to scrub out parts. I am permanent and uneditable. My existence bleeds through everything I've touched. There are no mistakes, there is nothing forgotten and no skeletons in the closet - because the skeletons are in everything, looming and laughing inside every mug of tea, soaked in the blood of everyone I've ever met and known, undead and haunting every heart.

C O L L E C T I V E  M E M O R Y /// HOLISTIC SELVES (kept alive by transferred consciousness/memory/experience)

I just want to be a simple blade of grass. 

I looked at it again after some time had passed and I started thinking about this whole concept and how maybe it can be freeing instead of scary.

I guess the only way to really deal with it is to to accept and ignore it all. Everything. Nothing matters. I am just here. I hate advising "don't think about it" as if you can control your thoughts and fixations, but to be honest I think I'm starting to understand that. Sometimes even if you can't, really, your only option is "don't think about it". And I don't think that always means repression, but honestly just knowing that certain things don't deserve your time or attention. The internet makes distraction very achievable. Googling for some puppy photos is a good distraction.

"I am permanent and uneditable" can be a statement of despair or a statement of defiance.

Outfit: Yoghurt Fashion & Winter Shorts


I've been watching too many KPOP videos (ha ha ha ha ha ha there are never too many) and as a result I am desperate to wear shorts throughout the winter (and possibly cutesy sailor outfits/things with a lot of spikes on them for no reason). I've had these denim shorts for years and they are the perfect tight fit. They look pretty good with tights, and I love wearing colourful tights, so I put on this dark purple pair to match my coat a bit, which is a colour I can best describe as the colour of forest fruits yoghurt.

I'm also wearing some sturdy walking boots, which are so good for walking through the rain or mud. Excellent adventuring boots.

I don't know where any of these clothes are from, because they were all gifted, aside from the shorts. They're from Internacionale, which doesn't even exist as a retailer any more. Second hand and gifted clothes are pretty much the best ever. Please let me come to your house and wear all your clothes.






Diary: Notebooks & Nice Smells


This week featured an increased level of pizza, which was great. Elliot did some homemade pizzas on Friday and they were very cute and precious, then I also had some pizza last night. The pizza is taking over. I won't resist.


I've also been watching a lot of vlogs and letting all the Christmas sink into my bones. I ended up watching approximately a million perfume collection videos on Monday because apparently I went into some kind of YouTube trance. It was beautiful.


Other notable elements of this week: Having BIGBANG's 'Bae Bae' stuck in my head an awful lot, deciding I really do want to learn Hangul, being given a pile of notebooks, playing Neko Atsume for the first time, and trying out some BB cream.

Visiting The Burrell Collection


Elliot and I went to Glasgow's Burrell Collection recently with my cousin and her boyfriend. We spent the whole day there, taking the occasional break to sit and lie down on their very comfortable seating. The whole place is laid out really nicely - I don't think I've ever been somewhere that was this linear. There were lots of cool things, including ancient Greek and Syrian pottery, mixed suits of European armour, and ancient Chinese plates that wouldn't look out of place in Ikea. My favourite part was the art gallery, which reminded me of the Tate Britain.


I spent most of my time following Elliot around and annoying him by taking photos of him on a level only matched by the most shameless paparazzi. The lighting in the art gallery space was really nice and I loved the gentle green of the walls to photograph against. I absolutely love pictures of people in art galleries, so whenever I am in one I want to take a million pictures.


We were pretty much the last people to leave the place, and apparently staff were lingering behind us, desperately hoping we were going away soon. I can't say I noticed, but by that point I was in a haze of museum exhaustion that may have been enhanced by all the incredible Irn Bru merchandise in the gift shop.


10 Jumbled Thoughts On Getting Home

I'm writing this the day after a long journey from Glasgow to London, during which I carried probably around 25% of my body weight including one big bottle of Absolut Rasberri, which I totally don't know about if Santa asks. Aside from the particular exhaustion followed by carrying that stuff (for the approx. fifteen minutes I was actually walking) and contorting myself in weird ways on a train seat for five hours (I like to switch between various frog-like sitting positions), I am also experiencing a range of important and varied feelings about being home.


Here is a stream of thoughts and feelings in list form (what else did you come to this blog for, really - pictures of me getting really muscly shoulders from carrying big bottles of vodka? STAY TUNED!).

  1. I wonder if I can actually become a super strong muscly person from carrying bags OR if instead I will just gradually sink into the ground and become a very flat ghost who died trying to carry stuff.
  2. MY PYJAMAS ARE SO GREAT, ALL HAIL MY PYJAMAS!
  3. I am feeling the strong desire to only use a very small bag to carry around very small things.
  4. Putting all my dirty clothes in the washing and putting all my stuff away is so satisfying. Everything is in the right place. Everything feels right. This is so good. I love! My! Space!
  5. My mum always seems to have some kind of surprisng consumable to show me. This time she has alcoholic dandelion & burdock (and I found two advent calenders in my room, tut tut mum, you should've got five thousand of them for my five thousand stomachs, I can't believe you're so rude as to only get two, I'm running away from home IMMEDIATELY).
  6. I always really enjoy travelling on the tube when I get back. I guess it's such a familiar thing and there's people everywhere who are obviousy from London and I dunno man, I just find the tube so welcoming on return. Love that comforting Transport For London branding! I still want to be a train guard officer person at a tube station so if any recruitment people from TFL are reading this: please help give job in exchange for large box of Jaffa Cakes.
  7. You don't know how excited I am to write blog posts. I'm so excited to write blog posts! I've pretty much just been making a few notes here and there while I've been away, so for over a week I haven't written a blog post (I'm so glad sheduling exists) and I am ITCHING to write 'em. I have so much time again. I've missed all the time I usually use to do creative things.
  8. The time and general atmosphere feels so different at home, where I am (mostly) the queen of my own domain and get to do what I want, whenever. I'm looking forward to eating a doughnut and watching fun puppy videos at two in the morning sometime very soon. Not that I couldn't have done that while away, but really I was dead to the wold by then. Hanging out with family members and looking at lakes and eating potatoes is apparently totally exhausting for me. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
  9. Since I was with Elliot all that time I also haven't been alone at all, except when I went to the toilet, and whilst I am pretty much fine with not being separated from him ever (except when his video games are making the most annoying bicycle bell noises - but that's not technically about him, unless he has secretly been a bicycle all this time), I love to be alone and bask in my aloneness. I can be absolutely unconscious about my natural bodily movements in such a complete way. I can hang upside down and feast on souls - I mean, uh, I can just be myself and take a nap at any time, you know?
  10. I admit that I enjoy complaining about London (excuse me, house prices, but what the heck do you think you're doing?), but when I come back I'm always like "Yes! I love you!" and I greet every Tesco as if it is my close, personal friend (the truth is, most Tescos think I'm annoying). I love seeing familiar landmarks like Big Bernard and The London Nose.

I love being home. I'm glad I'm home, and I intend to avoid (non-London) trains now for at least three years. If you'll excuse me, I have to go and lovingly consume an entire advent calender and feverishly support the great and excellent football team Arsenal/Spurs/AFC Wimbledon (delete as applicable).